Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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