3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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