Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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