Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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