i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
