I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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