I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
