He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
