Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
