It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
