Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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