Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
