Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
