I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
