i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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