I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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