It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
