how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize