you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
