I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
