Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What a dumb baby whore.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i now understand why vodka
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
