You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
