Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
