I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
