Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize