theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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