Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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