I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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