I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
