he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
