a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So much rum. So many feels.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
