I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Randomize
