I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
