My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I came so hard my ears popped.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
