sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
