member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
