I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
