you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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