Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
