you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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