rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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