This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm passing your future prison.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
