Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
