WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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