i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
