: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
