Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
that's an acceptable place to lick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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