You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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