I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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