mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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