in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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