She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i think i just lost a toe
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
