There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
