dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
