I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
