pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
