If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
