can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
