so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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