and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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