She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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