i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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