I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She announced her abortion via fbk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
