Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
