ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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