i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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