just survived the first fart of the relationship.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
