u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i came on her dog
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
