I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
