found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize