I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
