I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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