I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
