i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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